In 1998, Shaban was only 19 years old. The Kosovo-Albanian, whose real name was changed for this story, prefers to tell DW his traumatic story anonymously.
When Serbian troops advanced on the Kosovo Liberation Army (UCK) and reached his district in central Kosovo, they arrested him alongside around 200 other men and took them to a police station. He didn't know at the time that what happened there would change his entire life.
They were summoned individually for questioning, Shaban says. The treatment was rough and humiliating. They were repeatedly beaten and kicked. Shaban was deliberately selected from the line of arrested men.
"Then police officers took me to a toilet and did the worst to me," Shaban says with a trembling voice. "The worst" — that's how he refers to the rape. He doesn't want to go into detail.
Even decades later, he's on the brink of tears due to his bad memories. But that was only the beginning. He was put in prison over terrorism allegations.
"The accusation of terrorist activity was unfounded and simply fabricated," Shaban says.
Kosovo and NATO
The escalation during the war between Serbs and Kosovo-Albanians — primarily the massacres of Recak and Prekaz, which saw some 100 Kosovars killed by Serbian security forces — eventually led to a NATO intervention. In June 1999, the Serbs, under pressure by NATO bombardments, had to surrender. Their attempt to revoke the autonomy of Kosovo Albanians within Serbia, which Yugoslav state founder Josip Broz Tito had guaranteed, had failed.
For Shaban, though, that didn't mean an end to his suffering. He was transferred from the Kosovo prison to another in Nis, a city in southern Serbia, and remained in captivity for another three years.
Rapes are outlawed war crimes that victimize primarily women. Little is known, however, about raped men, although the stigma of rape, to them, is at least as strong.
"The traditional concept of a man as a strong figure that confronts tough challenges contradicts the experience of sexual violence in war," says psychologist Sevie Izeti. She has been conducting research on the subject of men as rape victims for years.
"From a psychological point of view, the experience of sexual violence rattles the foundations of their own identity, which forces them to conceal their suffering," Izeti says. "They feel weak and ashamed."
It was a logical conclusion that "men keep it a secret and, therefore, their access to the necessary rehabilitation services is more difficult than for women, and they only reluctantly undergo professional treatment and accept a recognition of their status."
That was also the reason why, to date, only a few dozen men had contacted the Kosova Rehabilitation Center for Torture Victims (KRCT).
Family members kept in the dark
In the center of Prishtina, Kosovo's capital and largest city, the Heroinat (Heroines) Square commemorates female rape victims right next to Kosovo's landmark and motto: NEWBORN. The sculpture, 5.5 meters (18 feet) high and 4.5 meters (14 feet, 9 inches) wide, depicts a woman's head, made up of 20,000 metal badges, each representing a woman raped during the war.
The government pays proven rape victims a monthly rent of a little more than 200 euros ($219). This, however, entails facing up to one's experiences and recounting them in front of a panel.
For a long time, Shaban would never have considered speaking in front of such a panel. Even his family is not privy to his fate. He is married, with children, but he didn't tell them his story.
That's also what many other victims do: keep crimes committed against them to themselves. Shaban, however, eventually decided to face the panel, and today he is one of those whose rape during the Kosovo War has been recognized.
A life of torment and anguish
For Shaban, the consequences of rape are massive. He lives in fear every day and can't sleep without therapy. Since his release from prison, he has been taking medication permanently and receiving medical treatment. "Without medication, I can't really live properly. When I discontinued it for two days, my entire body started to shake, and the memories came back again."
Kosovo's government committee responsible for registering the victims acknowledged the status of 1,102 victims of sexual violence, which include 1054 women and 48 men, among them Shaban. If the number of badges representing the victims at Heroines Square is even remotely accurate, the dark figure is 20 times higher. Conversely, that also means that some 1,000 men were raped during the Kosovo War.
Secrecy more important than money
This issue has not been discussed openly yet. Even the prospect of compensation rarely motivates potential victims to reveal their fate. At the same time, it would mean great relief for those affected if they could confide in someone.
"The conversation would be like a spiritual liberation," Shaban says. "This is not about money. For us, treatment and confidentiality are much more important." That is also why, to date, the majority of rape victims have decided to remain silent.
"If people find out, I'll have nothing I could live for," Shaban says. "What I'm afraid of is that my relatives or someone else discover my secret. In that case, my fate would become the subject of constant gossip. That is my biggest fear."
